hitting low points without fear
Someone asked me the other day how I was doing, if I recall correctly, it was a middle-aged woman behind a hostess stand, at a little Italian restaurant. She asked with a blank, yet intentional gaze: “how are you doing today?”
I paused for a few seconds and said “It’s been a long one. Not bad though. I’m not angry or upset about it, I’m just tired…it’s been a long few months”. I then let out a nervous laugh to possibly break the awkward intensity I just set in place.
She responded with a nod, a little smile and said, “I like that. I feel that. Yeah, me too.” A few seconds later, the other hostess returned to the front desk and took me to the table.
Hitting low points and low seasons of life are inevitable. Regardless of how hard we try, how much money, doctor appointments, counseling, and self-care routines we throw out there, the trials always seem to prevail.
I’m 28 years old and have, Lord willing, many more years ahead of me, but here’s what I’m processing as I’m facing yet another grey season of life…and what’s helping me to keep my head up.
HARD DOESN’T EQUAL BAD
For 25 years of my life, I viewed hard days as bad days. Lonely days at school were bad days. Exhausting days as a mother were bad days. I have since shifted that mindset. I’ll never claim to have figured it out, but I’m thinking differently and it’s worth sharing.
To begin, here’s the definition of the word bad: not achieving an adequate standard; poor. I guess you could say my “life standard” was skewed. I thought a good life meant having good days and feeling happy all the time. *Yes, you can laugh. I’m laughing too. But clearly, things didn’t pan out for me as I had hoped.
Here’s when things shifted. When the word “purpose” entered the picture, everything changed. “What is my life’s purpose” is a much better question than “how can I live a good life”.
My life’s purpose: To serve the Lord with my life. In the way I love and serve others, in the way I complete mundane tasks, in my successes, and failures, I am here to serve the Lord and build his Kingdom.
So instead of bad days, I now see low points in life as tests, trials, revelations and opportunities for growth. I’m here to serve the Lord, not myself. Sure these days/situations come with strong emotions, but I refuse to believe the lie that there’s such a thing as a bad day. Every day is a day that the Lord has made. He told us that we will face trials. It’s nothing new. It also doesn’t make it easier, but it does help me stay away from believing life can be perfected and that life is all about happiness and having good days.
Whew, that got deep real quick. I guess I’m encouraging myself here, affirming how I’m feeling, reminding myself of these truths that so often hide underneath big emotions. Onward.
The Lord gives and he withholds.
This is one that I had to learn the hard way as the Lord withheld a lot from both me and my husband over the past 5 years. He withheld success in the baseball industry, he withheld financial freedom/security, he withheld a home, he even withheld a flourishing marriage from us. As much as I struggled walking through those withholdings, I can now see them as essential. Essential for our reliance on the Lord, not on money, each other, or on living secure and comfortable lives.
Side note, I will be working on this, on true, satisfying contentment in the Lord, for the rest of my life.
The sun will always rise in the morning.
A promise of a new day is one of the most gracious and highly underrated gifts. We get to start over every single day. Simply reflecting on this gives me hope when I’m walking through deep waters. One of my favorite ways to get myself up and going in a difficult season is to expose my eyes to the morning light while listening to this guided meditation. This meditation in particular reflects on the gift of a morning. It’s a simple, life-giving routine that reminds me of the Lord's promise: light always follows and defeats the darkness.
my “hitting a low point” tool kit.
Okay, so we’ve hit a low point, we’re not afraid, we expected it, we’re growing, but it still hurts. This section isn’t about hiding or covering up the hurt, as I think that part of life is incredibly important to experience and reflect on. But sometimes immediate relief of strong, overwhelming emotions of grief, anger, sadness, and numbness is needed.
I gotta put a disclaimer here as I am not a doctor. I’m just a regular mother who dives deep into research, seeks truth and has absolutely needed extra support over the years when it comes to taking care of my mental health. That’s why I’m sharing what I’m sharing. Not as recommendations, (that would be illegal:) but as tools that have worked for me. As always, consult your health care provider before trying anything new. I also make a small percentage of anything you purchase below. I’m affiliated with them because I use and trust them!
Breathwork: Not a supplement, completely free and incredibly powerful. Simply taking 12 deep breaths, while in a peaked emotional state, will calm your central nervous system down drastically. I’m not an expert by any means, but when I’m conscious of my breath throughout the day, taking meaningful breaks to extend my inhalations and exhalations, I’m a different person. I’m not sure why this tool escapes my brain so easily, maybe because it seems too easy, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to calm myself down almost immediately.
Warm milk before bed: 1 c raw milk, 2 t maple syrup, 1 scoop of collagen. When I’m walking through a rough chapter of life, I try my best to focus on proper nutrition. Stress depletes minerals in the body and I need those minerals! It’s what our body uses to perform many functions in the body(hormones, sleep, hunger cues, decision-making, libido, etc). One of my go-to’s is this warm milk drink before bed. It supports my body’s energy to heal and recover through the night and I notice a difference in my energy levels when I wake up. Simply put, my body needs more energy to create more energy, so warm milk with maple syrup and collagen it is!
Peace Juice by Organic Olivia: It’s literal instant relief for anxious and overwhelming moments. Olivia is an herbalist who’s dedicated her life(her podcast is amazing too btw) to helping others navigate healthy living holistically. Our medicine cabinet is full of her tinctures and we use them as needed. I adore her Brain Juice and Mane Magic, as well as her teas, but when it comes to her Peace Juice, let's just say, we are stocked up. I’ve got one in my diaper bag, in my kitchen and even in my bathroom, next to our toothbrushes.
Peace Juice by Organic Olivia
A fast-acting herbal spray that helps provide relief from occasional anxiousness*
Hymns: Praise to our Father, expressed through song written by faithful people who’ve walked in our shoes and too, depended on the Lord. Hymns have withheld the test of time and for a good reason. They are solid, unwavering truths that remind us of the Lord’s faithfulness to his people throughout history. Just typing those words takes my breath away. My mother and father always sang hymns to us before bed. I can vividly remember those nights in the rocking chair. 20-something years later, and I’m doing that with my children(but without a rocking chair…haven’t found the right one yet). Hearing them hum and sing the tune with me is one of the most precious things I’ve experienced as a mother. Equipping them, just as my parents did for me, with words and tunes that act as a shield in times of trouble. There have been moments in my life, ones filled with agony and grief, so much that I didn’t have words…all I could do is sing a hymn.
Here are a few of my favorites: How Sweet and Awful is the Place, How Great Thou Art, In Christ Alone, Great is Thy Faithfulness, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, Be Thou My Vision, How Deep the Father’s Love For Us, I Am Bound for the Promise Land. You can type any of these titles into Youtube and some beautiful renditions will pop up for you.
So, thus far in my life, this is what’s taught me how to walk through low points with confidence. I’ve fallen many times, but with my purpose engrained in my heart and mind, my warm milk, and that morning sunshine, I know I’ll continue to get back up. I’m sorry if you’re walking through deep waters alongside me. These chapters are hard, not bad, but hard. I can’t sit here and promise you relief today, as all of our stories and circumstances vary. But I will promise you that the sun will continue to rise, and so will you. If anything, feel comfort in knowing that the Lord designed our feet to carry us forwards. He knew we’d face trials and although we sometimes feel incapable of moving forward, he didn’t give us much of a choice.